It all started with the blade of my little freebie letter opener getting dull and starting to make shredded messes of envelopes instead of tidy slices. I wanted a replacement, something like this:
Sadly, Target and Office Max only carry things that look like this:
Remarkably like a dagger, no? The issue, of course, is that I have two children, and I would like to keep them both alive. I am resigned to paying some sort of ungodly shipping fee for a two dollar piece of plastic and metal, but I suppose it will still be far less than whatever the emergency room fees would be charged for a lightsaber/letter opener knife fight patch-up.
I did an Amazon search and turned up some charming leads.
Indiana Jones letter openers, in the shape of Indy’s machete and Mutt Williams’ sword (which I don’t remember, so I suppose I need to watch movie 4 again.)
Harry Potter letter openers, in the form of the sword of Gryffindor.
From the Lord of the Rings, Narsil, as borne by Aragorn in the movie. Those of us diehard book fans will note that Narsil was carried by Elendil and was shattered at his death (The Blade that was Broken), so Aragorn only carries the damaged hilt in the beginning of the story. The reforged sword should be called Anduril. But whatever, it’s a letter opener too.
I think I might settle for these. Cute, and safe.