We never had the terrible twos around here.
Three, however, is becoming quite the challenge. We’re finding that we need to develop some kind of joint master strategy with allied adults in handling the little dude, because he is one tough customer.
Take potty training, for example. All sorts of authorities point to invoking a system of small rewards leading to a larger reward if the child is cooperative and uses the potty. However, there is nothing you can offer Q-ster.
Stickers? Not interested. Lightning McQueen underpants? Insufficiently motivational. M&Ms, cookies, other sweets? If we put a condition on having them, he declares that he didn’t really want them anyway. At the age of three, he’s gaming the system pretty well.
After a few too many bedtime delays last week, we said “Honey, if you come out of your room one more time, you can’t have any sweets tomorrow."
Fifteen seconds later, a small boy is seen running down the hallway.
“No candy or cookies tomorrow!”
“Ok, “ replies he, unruffled.
The next day, Q-ster desperately wants a cookie. At last, I think. It's an opportunity to show him cause and effect, action and consequence. I tell him that he can’t have one because he broke the rules yesterday.
He sees the trap and counters. “That’s ok. Another day." He turns to another activity.
Last weekend, the little dude expressed great interest in green socks (his favorite color), and I procure a pair, saying that he can have them if he poops on the potty. He now pretends that the socks have lost their luster. “Some other time,” he shrugs.
Negotiations are pretty much a non-starter at present, so we'll have to keep searching for the right motivation. In the mean time, the kid has a future playing hardball as a lawyer. I pity the opposing counsel.
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When I read that New Jersey Moms Blog was hosting a
book club around the publication of “Writing Motherhood” by Lisa Garrigues, I was intrigued.
I write about motherhood, sometimes poorly, and other times with more skill. What does the author have to say about it? I signed up for my free copy of the book.
The project assigned us to address one of two writing prompts, which I’ve done above (tell about a time your child broke the rules), rather than provide a review of the book, but I can’t help but give a bit of my opinion on that too.
Garrigues is compelling writer. She provides great anecdotes and makes me want to continue reading. However, I don’t know whether I’m really in her target audience. I’ve read the first hundred pages of the book, and there's a lot of time spent granting the reader permission to write. Um, I don’t need permission. I’m doing it every day.
The author makes a big deal about keeping a “Mother’s Notebook,” which she insists absolutely must be written by hand on paper, saying how a writer should have a callus on the middle finger and ink smudges. That might be the case in previous generations, but I know I think more clearly and write quickly at a keyboard. I can both capture fleeting thoughts before they disappear, and later edit to my heart’s content. True, you can’t bring your laptop everywhere, but anywhere I wouldn’t risk my laptop, I wouldn’t risk the one and only copy of all my writing either! I keep backup copies of my active writing files, so I won’t lose the scraps of sentences telling me what cute thing my son said, even if I never write it into a full story.
There are also sections on why it’s necessary to have a “sacred” space for writing and how to generate ideas. These concepts may speak to other readers, but I pretty much write where I do all my other work, and at last count, had about 30-40 typewritten pages of ideas I’d love to explore further when I get the time.
Based on what I’ve read so far, I’d recommend the book to someone who wasn’t yet writing or blogging, particularly to a woman feeling insecure about writing. I plan to finish reading “Writing Motherhood,” since the chapters ahead include interesting topics such as how to make quality revisions and sharing work. The book definitely made me think about how I do my own writing and why it's important.
Thanks, to NJ Moms Blog for hosting the book club!
