Thursday, August 03, 2006

10 Ways You Know You're a Mom

You know you're the parent of a toddler when:

1) You're all packed and ready to go out, but you know he's gonna poop in the next half hour, so you wait for him to do it before you leave.

2) You're packing your shoulder bag and it includes a tub of Cheerios, a stick of string cheese, a whole lot of wet wipes, and an emergency backup pacifier.

3) Your TV, stereo, standing lamps, electric fan, and household brooms are all stashed behind a childproof fence.

4) You're investigating X10 home security devices because your child has figured out how to move the childproof fence.

5) Your child runs towards you, and you are equally prepared to either a) happily receive a hug, or b) rapidly dodge a bite.

6) You hear your husband pause while chanting the Dr. Seuss alphabet after "Big J, Little J, What begins with J!" and you shout, "Jerry Jordan's jelly jar" in an involuntary reflexive move.

7) You've read "Goodnight, Gorilla" so many times that you've moved through a period where you wondered whether it is a tragic tale from the point of view of the banana. After more contemplation, you decide that eaten moves it into the next phase of reincarnation, so the banana has actually fulfilled its destiny.

8) You're applauding the orchestra at a fancy dress ball, wearing an evening gown and long gloves, and you smack your arms together like a seal, yelling "Yayyyy!" before you suddenly realize that perhaps you would blend in better making delicate clapping motions from the wrist.

9) You hear that your hometown is in the running to host the 2016 Olympics and the first thing you do is to immediately calculate that your toddler will be 11 years old by then – a perfect age for a family outing.

And the 10th thing that identifies you as a parent:
You see something beautiful and it becomes twice as beautiful when your child loves it too.

10 comments:

Rohini said...

I completely identify with the fifth point. My 14-month old son has got a bad case of The Bites too. Yesterday, he was snuggling up to me and suddenly out of the blue he chomped down on my breast. Ouch!

And yes, I was the epitome of Baby Teflon before I had my son too!

Andrew's mommy said...

Great post. All very true...

Wouldn't that be great to be able to take our little ones to the Olympics here? They will not be so little at that point I guess.

mothergoosemouse said...

Been seeing a lot of #5 around here. I never know what's coming when she presses her face against my leg or my shoulder.

lara said...

some of those definitely fall into the "you know you're a nanny when..." category. i remember when i first started keeping juice boxes, goldfish, and granola bars with me at all times, in addition to hand wipes, diapers, spare clothes, and kleenex. i also remember vividly the first time i was caught without these things, and the valuable lessons learned. :-P

Bob said...

Great writeup, better than
Letterman's

Mayberry said...

Also, on the biting? ONLY mommy. How come he can't share the love with anyone else?!

Mother said...

Hahaha on all of them. Particularly #1. It's so pathetic. And you can't explain it to people w/o kids. They just don't get that.

This is awesome.

Dragon in a Tutu said...

Spot on. Thanks.

Anonymous said...

Loved it! And definitely agree with it!
Davida

Lady M said...

Rohini, mothergoosemouse, Mayberry - lots of biters this week! Q is getting a little better about it - I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Andrew's mommy - I was even imagining taking the train to the opening ceremonies, etc. It would be so much fun, although I guess the organizers have a long way to go.

Kari - Yes, many of those would indeed apply to being a nanny. I should have added your count of how many songs the Leapfrog table plays.

Bob, Dragon, Davida - thanks!

Motherhood U - Just yesterday morning, there we were again, reading stories out loud until . . you know. And then we went to the farmer's market!